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Username: Mariabae

Date posted: Yesterday

My thoughts, feelings and compulsions

1. Thoughts about Not Loving My Boyfriend: • “What if I don’t love him?” • “I feel like I’ve lost my feelings for him.” • “I don’t feel love the way I used to.” 2. Fear of Changing or Being Different: • “What if I’ve changed and this is the real me now?” • “What if I’ve grown out of the relationship?” 3. Doubt About Attraction: • “I’m not attracted to him anymore.” • “I feel numb when I look at him.” 4. Thoughts of Disconnection and Irritation: • “I feel irritated when he shows affection.” • “I feel bored or disconnected when we talk.” • “Why do I feel like I can’t stand him sometimes?” 5. Fear of Denial: • “What if I’m in denial and I’m just pretending to love him?” • “What if all these thoughts are true?” 6. Fear of Being a Bad Person: • “I’m a terrible person for feeling this way.” • “I’m ruining my relationship and hurting him.” 7. General Anxiety About the Future: • “What if I’ll fall for someone else in the future?” • “What if I’ll never feel love again?” 8. Intrusive Thoughts from the Past: • “I had violent thoughts about my dad.” • “I worried I was a pedophile after seeing a video.” Feelings Associated with These Thoughts: 1. Numbness and Emotional Disconnection: • Feeling emotionally flat or unable to access love or joy. 2. Guilt and Shame: • Feeling like a bad person or partner. 3. Hopelessness and Despair: • Feeling like things will never get better. • Believing i am stuck this way forever. 4. Irritation and Frustration: • Getting annoyed when my boyfriend shows affection. 5. Fear and Panic: • Experiencing overwhelming anxiety when questioning my feelings. 6. Sadness and Confusion: • Crying frequently, feeling lost, or not understanding why i feel this way. Compulsions I Engage In: 1. Reassurance Seeking: • Constantly asking others if everything is okay or if your feelings are normal. 2. Researching and Googling: • Searching for answers about ROCD, anxiety, and relationships online. • Checking forums like the NOCD app for reassurance. 3. Mental Checking and Analysis: • Constantly checking if i feel love, attraction, or connection. • Analyzing every interaction and emotion to see if they’re “right.” 4. Confessing: • Telling your boyfriend or others about your thoughts to relieve guilt or doubt. 5. Avoidance: • Pulling back from conversations or interactions with my boyfriend due to anxiety. 6. Comparing: • Comparing your current feelings to how you used to feel at the beginning of the relationship. 7. Self-Criticism: • Judging yourself harshly and believing i am a terrible person. FEELING SO REAL I’m struggling with ROCD and it’s consuming me. My intrusive thoughts make me feel like I don’t love my boyfriend, that I’ve changed, or that I’m a terrible person. These thoughts make me feel numb, disconnected, and hopeless. My compulsions include constant reassurance-seeking, analyzing my feelings, researching online, and confessing my fears. It’s exhausting, and I’m desperate to feel like myself again. Does anyone relate to this? How do you cope?

Username: LiaExe28LiaExe28

Date posted: Yesterday

I relate. I honestly don’t have much advice. My therapist asked me a question yesterday. If you had the guarantee of the love you want but it was with someone else, would you take it? I said no, I wouldn’t. That came from my heart. I do worry I lied and my brain wanted me to say “guaranteed love? Fuck yeah!” But I’d rather struggle and choose my boyfriend. Even when it’s hard. I’m numb myself and don’t feel much anxiety lately tbh, I think my brain has just accepted that it’s there but I still google. and I’m pondering a lot about the future. Being in an interfaith relationship makes it slightly difficult as well. I think delaying the researching is a good way to go about it, cuz I’m the same thing. Reddit and Google are not my friends lol. Delay for like a minute and do smthn else. I’m probably gonna try that myself eventually. Right now I wanna get through finals lol. More power to the both of us girl, we’ll be ok❤️❤️

Username: MariabaeMariabae

Date posted: Yesterday

@LiaExe28 i just dont understand why i feel like this, why it feels real, i used to be different, did i change? im so sad. i just want tonlive my bf as i used to and dont have this thoughts. i hate that it feels real.

Username: LiaExe28LiaExe28

Date posted: Yesterday

@Mariabae I know. It attacks what you love most so it’s gonna feel real. I’d say trust your gut but being anxious and numb, your gut/intuition isn’t super available to you. Maybe look into awaken into love, she’s been helpful for me a bit. It’s ok to not feel in love all the time, and it’s ok for the butterflies to go away is what I’ve been slowly learning. It’s gonna feel real but doing therapy you’ll get back to you. I’ve had moments my ROCD and soocd have passed and I felt normal again. I felt sexually and romantically attracted to him like I used to. Now it’s sorta gone away cuz of the numbness but it comes and it goes and that’s ok. I’m also hyper worried that I’m never gonna feel anything again, but chasing that feeling won’t bring it back it’ll just keep moving away. I wish I could give you a hug to help you out, and hopefully something here helps and resonates. I wish I could listen to my own advice lol. Also, outside stress could be impacting how you feel. For me it’s finals season and our university club has a big event in February that I’m in charge of dealing with so I’m in over my head and my body is all out of feelings. Take outside stressors into account

Username: MariabaeMariabae

Date posted: Yesterday

@LiaExe28 i am sending all the love for you, i hope you will het past this stressfull period and enjoy life

Username: LiaExe28LiaExe28

Date posted: Yesterday

@Mariabae You too 🫶it’ll all be ok I’m sure

Username: kreliakrelia

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21h ago

@LiaExe28 Hi! Thank you so much for this. I struggle with both of these themes as well. I am going through a divorce but I accidentally met a guy who is incredible and I’m really starting to fall for him. My SOOCD and ROCD made a comeback this week (I think it’s because of hormones since it’s suppose to be my time of the month) and reading this made me feel heard.

Username: moezitimoeziti

Date posted: 20h ago

@LiaExe28 I fear I may be over thinking about the question your therapist asked you. Because I very much feel like what you said about guaranteed love. Because i don’t fully have the love I want with my boyfriend yet, there’s still things he needs to work on or I’m not happy with— but then that’s not what I want that’s someone that’s perfect. IDK if that even makes sense haha. Our relationship isn’t going to be perfect but it could be better and thinking about just naturally getting a relationship with someone that I don’t have to coach or teach how to seems really nice. Is this wrong?

Username: LiaExe28LiaExe28

Date posted: 20h ago

@moeziti Idk honestly, maybe it’s a situation of waiting for things to improve. Sometimes you have to accept you can’t change or will have to wait a while for it to change. Honestly I really don’t know here. There are thing about my boyfriend I want to help him change that bug me but sometimes it’s just part of the fabric of a person. Im sorry this probably isn’t all that helpful. Maybe answer the question when you’re in a better non overthinking headspace. We all need help improving sometimes. I have things im sure he wants to change about me and as nice as it would be to have someone who wouldn’t need help to change is nice but sometimes it’s worth the risk. That’s what I told my therapist. He’s not perfect, he’s different, but I’d rather an imperfect nerd who I love than someone who is immediately just the person I want. Love is about growth is what im learning. And choice. Even tho im anxious. I choose him. Also those thoughts can exist and you can still choose your boyfriend. If that makes sense? You can want smthn different or smthn to change but still choose him

Username: moezitimoeziti

Date posted: 12h ago

@LiaExe28 Your answer was very helpful! Love is about growth. You helped me so much! Thank you :) <3

Username: Secretidentity Secretidentity

Date posted: Yesterday

This is exactly me and it freaks me out especially the denial one that one comes up all the time.

Username: MariabaeMariabae

Date posted: Yesterday

@Secretidentity its so painful, like why do i feel like this

Username: Secretidentity Secretidentity

Date posted: Yesterday

@Mariabae Because the OCD monster is our head doesn’t wanna hibernate

Username: moezitimoeziti

Date posted: 20h ago

I think this too. It’s really hard :( I just don’t know what to do anymore. I just want someone to look at me and reassure me that what I am feeling is not real and that I do really love him.

Username: klevalleyklevalley

Date posted: 20h ago

I know how you feel. One thing that had been helping me is a quote that I saw that said “would you be thinking or doing this if you didn’t have OCD? If not, then stop”. I know it’s easier said than done, but it does sort of help you to separate yourself from the OCD. Also, OCD is going to tell you or make you feel anything that you’re afraid of and that it believes will get a reaction out of you. If it didn’t get a reaction out of you, you wouldn’t be struggling. It’s comforting for me at times to think that I wouldn’t be so worried about these thoughts/feelings if I actually wanted to act on them or believed they were true. I know it’s so hard, because I’m dealing with this too, but you just have to take it one day at a time and try to have faith that it will get better eventually.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 17h ago

Well you couldn’t have said it better- I relate 100% I’ve gone through all of this. Some good days some bad and it’s hard but I try to remember what I’ve learnt about acceptance

Username: Tea and HoneyTea and Honey

Date posted: Yesterday

ERP therapy can be really, super helpful with all this. Have you tried ERP therapy? Looking at your post, I can see some classic stuff. An intelligent person who can analyze and express things well—but OCD is torturing you. I’ll post a link to my favorite therapist who trains people in ERP through You Tube. He has quite a few videos on ROCD. Don’t worry if you feel numb. Think about all the mental pain and struggling we experience. It’s very natural that we will feel numb sometimes. It doesn’t mean anything if we feel numb. https://youtu.be/w4r0kir8COY?si=M5-PHP1P8KYEFMsN

Username: Butterfly_23

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD

General statement/question for anyone who can possibly relate: I've been struggling with ROCD for about 3 months now, the typical "do I actually love him", "what if I don't and I'm just leading him on", "why don't I feel connected any more, this must mean something is wrong with us", "planning the future makes me anxious because we might break up"...the list goes on. I've been especially struggling these past few days. I want a big future with this man and I've never second guessed it until all these intrusive thoughts have come into my life with a bang. I hate them. I feel so emotionally drained and incapable of enjoying the moments I have with him because I'm constantly thinking about the things missing. The fact I struggle to stay present. As we all probably know the age old reassurance after an anxiety inducing thought- I do this fairly often, googling my thoughts and why I'm feeling this way. I am so beyond exhausted. I know I want to marry this man and a future with him isn't scary, it's just significant moments that trigger me and suddenly I'm spiring into the OCD cycle again. I just want to know other people feel the same? I've been feeling so flat and disconnected from everyone, especially him which breaks my heart. I know I love him, so deeply - even writing that my brain said "are you sure you do?". I just want to see if other people experience ROCD similar to me. Thanks

Relationship OCD

Username: anonymous1963

Date posted: 47w ago

Rocd vs reality

How do people recognize the difference between relationship ocd intrusive thoughts and real thoughts about your relationship? I have been in a relationship for about a year, it’s my first long-term relationship and the healthiest, I am almost 20 years old, and I believe I have rocd (I haven’t been diagnosed but it’s pretty clear to me). The main thoughts I get are “what if I’ll lose feelings for my bf?, what if I don’t love him?, what if I’m gonna break his heart?” (it’s never about if he’s cheating on me or anything like that. He is a really great boyfriend and the best person to ever walk into my life, he isn’t toxic or bad in any way towards me or the relationship). Usually these thoughts occur before my period (luteal phase/pms) but I’m on day 6 of my period and I got these thoughts, which usually isn’t the case as I’ve said before. So I went into a spiral cus I believed that since I got these thoughts at a different time in my cycle, they must be true. Deep down I know I love my boyfriend so much, it’s just so hard to navigate whether or not these thoughts are just fake rocd thoughts or what I’m really thinking. Can anyone else relate?

Username: Anonymous_co...

Date posted: 41w ago

ROCD? Please read 🙏

I’m so terrified that my feelings are not a product of ROCD and are actually real. They feel real, I think they are, and it makes me mad because I just want to be in a happy relationship but then I have a really real thought that picks apart every aspect of my partner: what he looks like, how he sounds, how he acts, how weird he is, his intelligence, his emotional state, etc. recently it’s been really sad because I feel critical towards him doing normal things like feeling exited, or trying to be funny, or making jokes, or even him being vulnerable and crying. I feel so judgemental and it feels so real, like that’s how I really feel, and maybe I do think he’s a little weird but I don’t want that to stop me from loving him. And I feel like it’s bad for be to think and feel all these things. I don’t want to let these thoughts take over my life and ruin all the growth that him and I have done together, but it honestly feel like that’s how I really feel some days, and idk if it’s ROCD.

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My thoughts, feelings and compulsions

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