Help, I cried and left his house, please advise

He won't use condoms due to ED, so I started taking birth control for him. He also refused to give oral until i let him inside me which was weird to me. Anyways, I went to his home at the weekend and it was very messy, tiny room, unclean. It annoyed me that he felt comfortable inviting me, knowing how tidy and spotless my house is, and it took me a few hours to get there on public transport. (I understand that rent is pricey and he travels a lot, but a toilet seat missing). He drives 5 hours to see me on some weekends but my place is always to a standard. Next thing, he always wants to be on top of me but it hurts me and he won't keep trying different positions, and says things like "I give up" then walks off to a different room and won't speak because I won't do it how he wants. I didn't wanna be in his house not speaking so I stayed with family last night. Am I out of order for leaving? first we had the protection issue, now the position issue plus his attitude. Makes me feel like im in the wrong for not letting him have what he wants after 5 months of talking and meeting. I thought once I started taking BC this would solve our problem but now it just feels like pressure, and he also says "you know what I'm doing" like I have some sort of game plan, when I would literally be happy kissing and touching because I love him. I can't figure out why he's so desperate for it, wouldn't he want to make me feel comfortable? This was the first time with him in his city, and he didn't wanna go out anywhere, not even to dinner. I don't ask for much

Username: 🍦 vanilla soft serve 🍦🍦 vanilla so...

Date posted: 16d ago

He sounds like a horrible person. Break up with him please. This is not okay. My ex did similar things regarding sex and it was only after I left the relationship that I realized how manipulative and emotionally abusive he was being. Leave him. There are other men in this world who will love and cherish you and won’t pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do. Find someone who has a toilet seat and gives you head even if you aren’t ready to let him inside you unprotected.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 16d ago

thank you for your thoughts xx

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 16d ago

As a guy I can agree that this is completely uncalled for. If you’re not comfortable with something then don’t do it. He should not try to guilt trip you into doing anything you don’t want to do or are uncomfortable with. While he might be insecure because he has ED that doesn’t give him the right to do what he wants if you’re uncomfortable. He should want you to be comfortable and it doesn’t seem like he cares.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 16d ago

thank you, i started taking birth control for him but he seems to only want it one way and he won't let me keep trying different positions to make it not hurt. it makes me sad that he feels like im letting him down

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 15d ago

@Anonymous That should not make you sad. That should make you realize he’s not a good person to be with.

Username: alissaaalissaa

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16d ago

This is abusive. He will only get worse. As someone who has experience domestic abuse, please leave if you’re safe to do so and NEVER return. It’s easy to try to rationalize someone’s behavior and want to find a way to make it work, but there is no changing an abusive person. LEAVE. Enjoy your life. He is not the only person for you.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 16d ago

thank you for sharing xx

Username: alissaaalissaa

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16d ago

@Anonymous Please don’t ever feel “in the wrong” for respecting your own boundaries, needs, and safety. These types of people love to chip away at our boundaries and our self worth, so they can get what they want out of you for themselves. Always keep yourself your main priority. People like this do not have your best interest, only their own, and will keep pushing you until soon you also only have their best interest in mind rather than your own. Stay strong, be proud of yourself for recognizing the signs on your own. Understand you’ll have doubts (and if you have OCD they can be hard to look past), but always keep pushing forward, away from this toxic situation, and toward a better life for yourself. You can do it! Best wishes.

Username: FloralEnvoyFloralEnvoy

Date posted: 16d ago

If he has ED, I am willing to bet it's a big insecurity. Not your issue btw, even if you love him. If he's watched porn, he may have specific fantasies he feels he needs to act out to enjoy sex at all, or maybe he's so anxious he wants to be in control and focus on himself so he knows at least he "did his part" (problematic men don't view sex as collaborative). This doesn't sound like OCD, this sounds like an uncooperative partner that didn't communicate why he wants things a specific way in the bedroom. He should see a sex therapist, after seeing a normal one.

Username: NicaNica

Date posted: 16d ago

Leave him.

Username: Saraa

Date posted: 2y ago

Hi! I need an opinion! There is this thing that is flaring up my rocd, since always, and I would like to understand the situation better. A little background: me and my bf had some poor moments (a lot of disagreement, delusions etc) pasts months. Now we talked; we decided to try some compromises. One in particular keeps triggering me. I don't understand why for him is okay to see me only a few times (2-3) during the week. We already talked about it, and in this last weeks I saw his efforts so I'm proud of him. (For example now if he have to do something else, and doesn't go out with me one day, he makes plans with for the next one etc). We chat more too! He always give me the goodmorning and goodnight, he always finds some times to at least replay to my messages. But for him, seeing me 2-3 times maximum In a week is enough, he doesn't feel the need or doesn't want me more. I can understand when there is university, when he has to work etc... (I don't like it, but he can be tired and it'd right to take some time alone). But now we have holidays!! And I would love to spend all my time with him, because togheter we have a lot of fun, and all I want is to be in his arms! I would love to make plans, travels, even free experience in thoose days togheter! But he keeps wanting to see me only the 2 or 3 times and I can't understand why for him this is enough!!! (Both of our love languages is quality time! And in the first month I was always above everything else! He said that I'm still important to him etc) I would love some opinions, not to find rassicurations, but to understand better why for him is enough, and his mentality! I can't see how loving someone and not wanting to see her whenever he has the opportunity can get along togheter!!

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD about my partner due to intimacy issues

Hey all. First time posting here and I’ve been struggling a lot with this. My partner and I have been together for four years and he means everything to me. He was able to get me and my dog and sister out of our abusive home, has created a family with his family for me and we have been the best of friends. For the past few months he’s been experiencing low libido and it’s been frustrating for me as intimacy and touch are a huge part of my love language. I know he loves and cares about me but I’ve been having obsessive thoughts of whether this is the right relationship for me, if I’m betraying myself and what I truly desire and need, and fearing that I’m going to harm or coerce him into sexual intimacy when he’s not ready. We’ve reached out to a couple therapist to work on this but I keep obsessing and worrying about why if this doesn’t work out and that child we planned to have is going to disappear and the beautiful life we’ve created is going to disappesr too. This has been a confusing theme of OCD because while the feelings are distressing sometimes I fear that I genuinely need to stop betraying myself and break up because I’ve been such a big people pleaser all my life due to trauma. Why if I’ll end up in a sexless relationship my whole life? Why if he ends up feeling traumatized and coerced? I’ve experienced sexual assault and would never want anyone to feel that so it really coincides with my harm ocd. It’s made me feel really suicidal the last time we got into a fight and he felt he wasn’t enough. I hate making someone I love feel this way. I don’t know what to do or if this is even relationship OCD or genuine incompatibility

Username: Ridethewave

Date posted: 1y ago

Relationship rant

My bf and I have been together for 6 years and im having trouble connecting with him. I’ve suffered from hocd and rocd for like 3 years now (maybe longer, who knows) but I feel like this is an actual issue? So I enjoy sex with him but my love language is quality time and snuggling. Sex is great but sometimes I look forward to the end of sex because then I know it means we can snuggle closely and enjoy each others company without the worry of him initiating it again. Because usually when I touch him and get close to him, he’ll get ‘excited’ and make advances basically 9 times out of 10. And when I tell him I just want to cuddle, he acts different: not in a douchebag way but he just falls silent and doesn’t really say much. His sex drive is higher than me so now I have an automatic assumption that when we are talking or I touch him in the slightest way, he’s only thinking about sex and not genuinely invested in our conversations. Anyways, just wanted to do a little rant. If any of you could relate that would be nice to hear.

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Help, I cried and left his house, please advise

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