Looking for advice

I went through ERP which helped a little but starting ICBT to hopefully help with rumination. I deal with suicidal ocd mainly which originally was a lot of specific harm thoughts and has now turned into “do I wanna do something” “am I depressed” and over analyzing everything that has to do with mental health. I’m on 20 of Prozac, have been for a couple months. My anxiety has almost went away but this week I’ve been concerned that I’m developing depression (for the first time ever), but I’m just not sure. I feel off. I feel “blah”. I’m worried that I’m not caring as much about things I did before. I’m ruminating a lot. Does anyone have any advice or insight? It’s really bothering me. I don’t want to freak out over this but want to prevent depression getting bad.

Username: Anonymous515Anonymous515

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6w ago

I would definitely speak to a/your therapist about it - that fear of becoming depressed could be just a doubt or OCD trying to sneak its way back in! A/your therapist could definitely help you determine that!

Username: LenaForever LenaForever

Date posted: 6w ago

Prozac can make u feel blah and numb like that, but it sounds like the fear of it is mostly your ocd. Questioning it will make it feel real!

Username: marcygirl23marcygirl23

Date posted: 6w ago

@LenaForever You think only 20 Prozac could make me feel numb?

Username: Zoë_84Zoë_84

Date posted: 6w ago

Depending on where you are from, if you live in a region, where it is autumn at the moment, you might be in a low mood due to the lack of sunlight. What helps in that case, is getting a lamp, that creates artifical sunlight without the part that can demage your skin. When I was in mental health clinics, people used this kind of lamp regularly. Also, you could get blood work done to rule out, that you suffer from a deficiency in vitamines, minerals, etc. Amongst others, low levels of vitamines D3, B6 and B12, as well as Folate and Magnesium can impact mental health.

Username: djfloriodjflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6w ago

I'm going to offer some somewhat unconventional advice: Allow yourself to feel depressed. Seriously. If you start to feel down, really sit with it and acknowledge it. If you want to cry, then cry. If you feel like nothing matters and you're overwhelmed, notice what that kind of mindstate feels like in your body. It's okay to feel anything at all. Speaking as someone who conquered suicidal obsessions, the only problem is the resistance. When we resist our emotions or thoughts, we are constantly in battle with reality. That's what leads to more intrusive thoughts and more anxiety. Maybe you are depressed, and maybe you aren't. The problem is you've logically linked depression with self harm, and so you resist any idea that you might be depressed. In fact, feeling depressed/sad/whatever might be the best thing for you. Because you need to demonstrate to yourself that those difficult emotional states do not necessarily lead to self harm. You can't "think" your way into that understanding, you have to experience it. This is the one of the foundations of ERP. Much love ❤️

Username: McDucko

Date posted: 1y ago

OCD better, Depression worse

I still don't understand why my ERP is not affecting my mood much. I have been able to maintain my composure and let my thoughts pass by for the past week but I still feel like I just want to do nothing. Even when I force myself to do chores or engage in fun activities I just feel depressed. Am I just not disciplined enough in ERP yet or am I going to need something to help with the depression aspect of this? I'm curious what others who have been through this kind of feeling think.

Username: a.non2

Date posted: 1y ago

numbness

I got diagnosed with OCD a few months ago after getting plagued with intrusive thoughts last November. It’s been present in my life since I was younger but didn’t become truly debilitating until last November. I’ve been in therapy since May, and I started an SSRI. I’m a Christian, and I’ve struggled a lot with my faith since this started. I’ve had a hard time with ERP because I fear it’s not going to help and actually make things worse. I have also had a lot of emotional turmoil from family trauma and marriage issues. I’ve become so hopeless and numb and desensitized that I don’t know how to continue forward. I don’t feel like I’m able to talk to anyone about it because it’s taboo, so I feel like a fraud and like I don’t deserve to do things I enjoy or hang out with people I love. I do want to get better but I also have a fear that I don’t actually want to. I feel like my whole life is ruined and that I’ll never enjoy living again.

Username: Cactus11

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 51w ago

Medication

Just curious I’ve been doing so good with my ERP and I’m like 80% better but POCD seems to have a huge grip on me still. And while I’m not so afraid anymore my mind still loves to obsess about it and give me feelings (my ocd is very very feelings based) and wants me to think about the obsession.it’s mostly just annoying and tiring. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist to just have a convo about meds that could help with depression and OCD. Has anyone gone through this? And what does the medication for you? (I know everyone is different) does it stop your brain from obsessing so much? 🖤

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