should i still have kids?

if i were you, i would not make any decisions based off of the lies of OCD. i would take a pause, and say i’m gunna work through this theme as boldly as possible with ERP, and i’ll revisit this idea when i’m in a better headspace. you’re going to be ok!!! you got this

I’m a Mum with POCD. I’ve had it on and off for … 15 years maybe?! My baby will be 1 this month and I had a ‘flare up’ about 2 months ago. You can do this. You will beat it. You’ve survived your hardest days up to this point and will continue to! You’ve got this, don’t give up! I felt exactly the same as you did, thinking how can I ever have children I’m a monster.

One thing I will say. I always have thoughts of “I wish I didn’t do this because then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten ocd because I wouldn’t have been triggered by that thing” well yes it’s hard, but people with ocd tend to be very sensitive people and ocd will hit them when they’re the most vulnerable. For me it happened 5 months after having my baby, getting a termination on top of that and getting the rod inserted in my arm. I still remember my first two triggers that started my themes, it was horrible and felt like my life had been taken away from me. But at the end of the day, it could have been something else later on that would have triggered me, I don’t know… remember that ocd attacks what you love and care about, you wanted to go support the movie which I’ve heard is brilliant, because it is something you’re passionate about, that’s why you wanted to see the movie. I understand how it could be triggering. Please understand that you are a person who clearly is disgusted by POCD thoughts, a pedophile is not disgusted by them. I would never trade being a mum for the world. I remember years before I became a mum I had constant POCD type thoughts before I even had ocd for months. I started dismissing them and no longer paid attention to them and they went away for years, would maybe pop up randomly once in a blue moon but I dismissed them as intrusive straight away. Obviously you make your own choices about being a parent, but please don’t feel like this horrible monster of a disease could actually make you be a monster. I would not tell a pedophile to have kids, but you are not a pedo just because you’re having unwanted POCD thoughts, they are not wanted, don’t make your decision to be not to do something you’ve wanted your whole life. If anything you will be an amazing mum because you have that very protective strong instincts. I have too had groinal responses over many things they suck but they aren’t anything to do with sexual arousal at all… that right there, when you say you would never want to hurt children you’d rather pass away, a pedophile would not say that. A pedophile would not worry about these types of thoughts, they would want them. I’m going to put a link to a groinal responses article that I found extremely helpful

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/demystifying-ocd/202112/making-sense-physical-sensations-in-sexual-themed-ocd?amp

sorry if this is messy y’all :’)

That is 100% up to you and strangers honestly can’t decide that for you.

You are not alone, even though u may feel it. There’s so many people who go through this, parents or not. It’s hard, it is one of the hardest themes to deal with I think because it’s just awful. Every theme is awful, not trying to make one sound better than the other. We are strangers and cannot make a decision for you, but like the above comment, maybe try your best to get through this part of your life (cause it won’t be forever) and see how you feel later down the track. But don’t let ocd determine what you want with your life. There are people out there who just shouldn’t have kids and there are people out there who are meant to be mothers/fathers. My baby girl changed my life and I’d never regret having her even when I’ve suffered with POCD. It’s horrible but she keeps my head above water on the days that I feel like I’m drowning from ocd.

It is a harsh theme, but it will not last forever. With right therapy you will recover. I have this theme for a year, but nowdays it is so weak... I have therapist and used also ACT and MCT therapy... dont worry...you are caring person and you will be a good mom...sometimes OCD suffering give us great empathy and compassion to others...