Feeling like I need to solve

Does anyone else have their OCD latch on to specific items. What I mean is there are times where I will have an intusive thought and it won't bug me at all, I can let it pass down the stream. However, other times an intusive thought will attach to a certain action and that intrusive thought from that specific time will play over and over. For me then the compulsion is trying to do that item while not thinking that thought it ruminating and trying logically to overcome it (I know OCD doesn't follow logic). However, other times that same thought it can pass through. As I'm typing this I think for me the aspect and the attachment to the event is a worry that I'll remember it due to remembering the event. There is an uncertainty that I'll have to live with that memory forever and it will forever alter my life and/or the relationship regarding who the intrusive thought was about (someone in my family, etc...). That similar theme plays out not just with intrusive thoughts, but with more of a moral scrupulousity. It's not that moral or unmoral act that's typically in question, but the idea that the memory will plague me for the rest of my life, so I can't move forward and enjoy life until things are "solved". I recognize the uncertainty in the above, but it's not like I feel it about every circumstance. OCD can be weird and I guess it's just it's sneaky way of keeping me coming back for more. It's just it's not typically all encompassing from the standpoint of multiple triggers per day, just that same item replaying. Of course once that one dissapates another one takes its place.

My OCD isn’t based around a specific theme, my anxiety is fuelled from any thought that is distressing to me (it could be faces, numbers, lyrics or disturbing) at any random time. I feel like I have to make the thought have purpose or I will be abnormal. So I will ruminate until I am comfortable with each thought and they keep piling up, which I know is the OCD cycle. My compulsions is to make the thoughts just right in my own way for the anxiety to go down. However, I am scared of my thoughts getting worse on their own if I just leave them and not realising what is an intrusive thought anymore. I cannot seem to go on with my day unless I ruminated. These thoughts happen anywhere, literally brushing my teeth, having a shower, sex, reading etc. What scares me is that the thoughts have no theme like I said, it just seems to anything intrusive that distresses me! I don’t seem to worry about an actual thing, just about having Intrusive thoughts themselves because I can’t focus on tasks, they always come and I get so anxious! I can’t live like a normal person. Please if you have anything that could help me from your knowledge, I am all ears!! ❤️

This is so hard to explain so bear with me. After having violent intrusive thoughts and urges for a long time, sometimes when I'm really anxious I won't get obsessed with a particular thought/urge but moreso all of them combined. It feels like I need to release the urge and just do something. My mind RACES and it's like "do this, do that, so something to release this pent up anxiety" And I get so scared I need to like lock myself in a room or I feel like I need to be in a hospital where I'm restrained to prevent myself from doing one of these things. It's like the disorder has advanced so far that it's not 1 thought at a time anymore, it's like all of them and then some during an episode. Again it's so hard to articulate.